sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
