I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
