the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
