I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
