i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
