did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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