I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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