Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
BRING THE BAGELS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
