So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
