basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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