She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
