The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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