They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
