It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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