We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
