My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
