please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Success! We fucked roommates!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.