Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nobody cheats on THIS.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high