Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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