I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
