the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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