I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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