it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
