I need help removing her.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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