whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
