think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
And then he peed in my hair
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