I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
