i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
