Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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