Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
