Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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