somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
