Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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