I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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