I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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