my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
