eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
