Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
