I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
