i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
