Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
