We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
