Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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