just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
