so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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