I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
