It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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