his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
