You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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