I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
