Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
