we're blogging at a bar
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
