We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize