just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
there is puke in my bra ... again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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