i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
