hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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