Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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