I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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