Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
