If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
