I seem to have left my pride at pride
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
