I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
