I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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