My first STD was from a foam party
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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