ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
