Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
zippers are such a cool invention
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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