there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
