I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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