Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
