bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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