is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
