I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and she was petting her beer can
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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