He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
