sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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