Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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