She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
